Truths of Hunting – A Tongue in Cheek Look at Well-Known Facts

There are few things in this life as peaceful and rewarding as hunting. The ability to be out in the wild, away from the drain of everyday life, is hard to explain. Hunters across thousands of years have all experienced this, and it has never changed. For the initiated, though, some truths of hunting are accepted yet rarely spoken about. These are discovered through time in the woods or in the field. Argue if you like, but these are facts and are indisputable.

The Truths of Hunting.

Truths of Hunting – Little-Known Facts Such as Elk Aren’t Real.

The first fact is that elk aren’t real. These are fictitious creatures created by big hunting. Oh sure, somewhere your buddy got one, or maybe you even got one at one point. But these are animals grown in labs and secretly released near certain hunters to keep the lie alive. If you have ever spent six days hiking impossible mountain terrain only never to see anything more than a squirrel, you can appreciate this.

A second unspoken fact is ground shrinkage. There are countless times when you track an animal for miles because, through the glass, it appears huge. You finally get into position and break your shot. With excitement and anticipation, you scramble up to see your prize. After the long hike, you see it lying before you, and an immediate sense of “what the hell” sets in. The jumbo animal that you saw through your scope suddenly seems a bit less grand than it did previously. You think to yourself, “What happened?”

The Truths of Hunting include ground shrinkage.

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It’s Science

Well, there is an answer. There is a little-known law of physics called ground shrinkage. Once an animal is shot and comes in contact with the earth, gravitational forces begin to reduce its mass and dimensions immediately. This is a component of quantum theory, and I don’t have time to go into detail. Just know that it’s real and not your fault for getting scope drunk.

The Truths of Hunting include the need for snacks.

More Snacks

One of the most brutal truths in hunting centers on snacks. When you hunt, all dietary considerations are thrown out the window. Let’s just say there aren’t many people packing in dried kale chips as a mid-hunt snack. The challenge is the disproportionate consumption of said snacks relative to the time spent out hunting. In short, most snacks are consumed within the first two hours of a hunt. It is my belief that a petition should be created to challenge snack packaging sizes. There should be hunting-specific packaging for Little Debbies that contains 10, rather than the ridiculous 2. This packing standard should be applied across the entire snack industry.

Another unwritten fact of hunting is the existence of gravity surges. These surges are commonly experienced once you break a shot on a target further than 100 yards. While scientists have not yet proven it, these surges cause an extreme drop or rise in a bullet’s trajectory. This, in turn, can lead to a major miss of the target. To the uninitiated, these are seen purely as misses on the hunter’s part. To the experienced hunter, however, you KNOW that you were on target and a gravity surge moved the bullet off course.

The Truths of Hunting include deer speaking English.

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Deer Speak English

The final fact is that deer can actually understand English and are listening while you whisper in the stand. It is with this information that they talk amongst themselves and make a plan to frustrate you. The most common ploy is for the large buck to walk in the surrounding tree line and tease you. They then send a microspike buck to walk right up to your stand and mock you.  Fortunately, deer aren’t the brightest mammals in the world, and they often mistake who is supposed to walk in front of the stand. But have no doubt, they are listening.

The Truths of Hunting are often funny.

Truths of Hunting

Yes, these make some people shake the core of their beliefs, but ask any hunter, and they will tell you this is all true. For scientific purposes, I would like to gather more facts that you have experienced. Until then, happy hunting.

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